Flinging this computer out the window.

APPLE thinks they have made a perfect product. But I beg to differ! This MAC airbook laptop is only months old and already the touch pad has a mind of it’s OWN. It is as though my computer is possessed. I would think it was funny, if I didn’t want to seriously fling this fucker off the deck. But what would that do? Leave me computerless. Taking it to the Apple Doctor tomorrow. I am a social phobe. I HATE malls. Thank God I’ll get to hang on to my boyfriend’s coattail so I can keep my head down but avoid falling.

I’ve been practicing keeping my head UP as I walk. It’s unbelievably hard! No one would guess I have this problem. I don’t appear to be a hermit cringing at the very hint of life around me. But I am. No one suspects a redhead. Sigh. The mask. I imagine a red balloon connected to the top of my head. Helium balloon. It holds my head up when I feel like holding it down. Know what’s funny? You NOTICE a lot more stuff with your head up. We have walked this neighborhood hundreds of times, but it takes time number 101 for me to say, “Oh, has that house always been purple? How weird.” Oh I mean time number 111. Better number. FREAK!

On another note. Every time I (force) myself to sit down and type something, it is without fail, that the TV…someone on the thing…will say a word that I am typing at that very moment. Does that ever happen to anyone? I know it sounds totally insane. It’s those little **things** that happen in life that make me smile. That remind me, hello, I am here. Everything has crazy meaning, nothing has meaning, it all has meaning. It has the meaning that we make it to have. So we have choice. Does shit just happen? Or does it happen on purpose? That is our choice. We can see it both ways. Shit happens, and we are in charge of how we react to it. But what about the THIRD instinctual human response to danger? We all know about Fight or Flight. But how often do we hear about FREEZE? I am learning about that now. It is bittersweet. I blamed myself for many years for “not doing” something or other. Or for not talking. Not acting. Not telling. Not running. Not looking. This other response it like “playing dead.” Like an opossum. There is a purpose. It gets us through to the other side. The problem is….”it” then sleeps and stores itself in our bodies…it burrows down like a tick, feeding off of us until it is forced out.

Sometimes we have reactions to things today that seemingly make NO sense. (Kind of like this post?) But our reactions are springing forth from deep, old waters. Let yourself have them. Whatever they are.

I promise to respond to those TAG thingies soon. I am not in the right head space to do it until I get my computer fixed. The cursor keeps popping around, deleting things at will, and switching pages. So as to not kill a cockroach by mistake when I huck this piece of metal off the balcony…

Even cockroaches deserve a chance to live.

****KISS****

Everything has meaning and beauty.

Sidewalk Love. By The Cockroac

Copyright Β© 2012 Kissing The Cockroach All Rights Reserved.

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~ by kissingthecockroach on March 24, 2012.

19 Responses to “Flinging this computer out the window.”

  1. Ah, I hear ya on the MAC vs PC woes. I ended up just having one of each! (after ages of sacrifice and saving money…)

    Insightful post xx

    • LOL. I still like to fan the flames sometimes and tell my BF that MACs are not immune to viruses. This one seems to be playing a cosmic joke on me. It’s teaching me patience. Or perhaps, to Step Away From The Computerrrrrrrrrrrr……go live, go live. πŸ™‚

  2. Um? I second that thing about the responsive touchpad. I’m really glad to have a newer Mac now, but… the touchpad thing is a pain.

    (The Husband’s computer died and was revived. My last Mac is now an antique from 2002 that is unusable.)

    What I’m using today is a refurbished MacBook Pro. I played around with the touchpad settings, but I still haven’t figured out why it’s so zoom-y.

    Thank you for mentioning something about this, particularly. I’m sorry you have to go to the Apple Store in the mall. I’m glad you’re thinking about synchronicity while you’re writing. And I hope one of us figures out why touchpads don’t like to be touched.

    • I’ll let you know what happens at the hospital. :))))

    • Bluebird, I thought I would give you an update. We took the laptop to Apple and they thought they could get away with “taking it in the back” and fiddling with the trackpad a little. No. I started using it again, in store, and showed the guy it was still acting possessed. So they kept it and now it’s getting a NEW trackpad. I’m having a trackpad baby. And withdrawals from not having my computer!! Should have by tomorrow…

  3. yes, I have that happen to me a lot too (the someone on TV saying a word as Im typing it) πŸ™‚

    • Yay! Glad I’m not alone. It seems to happen allllll the time. With random, bizarre words. Like “You are the most beautiful person in the world.” Just kidding! More like “balloon” or “scale” or “that woman who kisses cockroaches…”
      πŸ™‚

  4. This was a very wonderful post today. Thanks for sharing this. Have a great day.

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  5. You are so funny… That gave me a good laugh. Fling it off gurl! Fling it!!! Haha.. Keep ya head up! You’re beautiful baby…

  6. It is really frickin hard to keep your head up!!!! I practice that too when I am out for walks… and actually looking people in the ye when I walk past them. UGH

  7. Kisser… What happened with your computer? Did u get checked out??

    • Yes maam. It is at the Apple doctor as we speak. They had to order a new track pad for it. And I think it should be done today. Boo. I’m typing on the dinosaur downstairs, that decides when it will connect and when it won’t. Hope to have my baby back soon!
      xoxoxox
      KISSER

  8. “Sometimes we have reactions to things today that seemingly make NO sense. (Kind of like this post?) But our reactions are springing forth from deep, old waters. Let yourself have them. Whatever they are.”

    Could we just not and say we did? πŸ˜‰ When do we get to just be done with these deep old waters? I’m not liking those reactions so much at all since they bring pain and come at the worst times. Sorry about your computer! Thanks for writing and being here.

    • I KNOW. I tried that method for years and it didn’t work. (sweep sweep, under the rug you go.) Much to my shock and astonishment, all that stuff was, is still down there, waiving their arms like a classroom full of hungry children. Pick me! Pick me!
      We’ll get through it. Unfortunately the only way OUT is through…
      xoxoxoox

  9. Hello! Thought I’d join this conversation too. I popped over to check your site out and am impressed with your narrative writing and humorous honesty.

    Your most recent post ‘Who did I kill’ was amazingly written, but as pointed out earlier by someone, I too am saddened this is based on your memories.

    I wanted to make a comment on the ‘reactions’ that we have. I recently had one that everyone was astonished at. They in turn reacted, and on it went. But I was finally able to assert what I needed to assail the horrendous anxiety inducing vision I had. They just did not understand, it all happened so fast.

    I believe I explained it to my father, but my husband, I have not uttered a word. A letter will soon be written and sent to him that will explain it. It bugs the heck out of me as I am sure, as in the past, he will just shake his head and walk away leaving me feeling like some sort of freak.

    But I know different now and lift my head a little higher. You will not put me down with your silence and body language. I am a big girl now!

    And on the topic of electronics sprouting wings, a number of years ago my husband gave our old VCR a flying lesson to which it did not return. Good thing no one was walking down below.

    • Once again I’m LAWLING. There’s a really great line in Fiona Apples song I can’t think of the name…
      “Not About Love” I think…
      And she sings,
      “What is this posture, I have to stare at?
      That’s what he said when I sitting up straight.”
      It’s a great song…and makes me laugh in a way only people like us know how…
      xoxoox
      TC

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